Saturday, May 14, 2011

pick yourself up...dust yourself off...start all over again

the title of this post are lyrics to the chorus of a great peter tosh song.  it's a song that i listen to when i need a reminder to find gratitude in the face of adversity..(i almost wrote disaster)

 i have never known disaster.  just like i have never known hunger or poverty.
yesterday nesta asked me "are we were poor?"
i said "no".
he said "i heard you say that on the phone."
i said "mom most not have been thinking straight." 
he said " you said it..." then he said..."well we're not rich."
 i said "it depends on what you value."
he said "money is value isn't it?"
oh boy....i could continue to transcribe our conversation but i think i'll try and capture the moment with my own words.
i told him the things i, love,peace, being comfortable.  that's what we are: comfortable.  there's just enough money. and i'm happy being comfortable.  i told him that i know nothing about  poverty. i've never faced the fear and struggle to find food and shelter.  or had to wear shoes until there was nothing left but a sole tied around my bare foot with a frayed shoelace. i've never prepared a meal from the dumpster outside a restaurant, or slept under a bridge.  i've never traveled mile after mile under the hot sun to fetch water, and then travel again only to fetch wood so i could boil the water so i don't get sick from drinking it. so yes i'm comfortable.  and i hope we stay comfortable for all my days. and i hope to the gods that i never again hear myself nonchalantly saying "we're poor."
nesta said "me too."


it's been a while since i've been here.  i'm always thinking about great blog posts, and never seem to have time to write. so today...sunny saturday afternoon at womb to grow...i write.

i met gordon neufeld!!!! do know who that is? author of one of the most amazing books i have ever read 'hold on to your kids'
he is such an amazing speaker! and his message is fantastic.  i'm not going to try and cover the three days worth of information i learned at the conference but there are definitely a few things i should share.
relationship matters.  it's not how much you love your's how much your child loves you.  more and more our culture is shifting into a culture that does not support attachment based parenting.  it's starting to sound so cliche. attachment parenting...oooo it's so trendy, and it's all about the crunchy, granola, earth mothers.  no, i'm sorry you're wrong.  main stream early parenting practices should be what's considered "alternative" and attachment based parenting should have stayed the norm. but the shift has happened and it's our job as mature adults to become informed, and do what's best for our children.  it's going to take all of you to pick up one book, and see if you can connect with it's message...if so we have a chance.
winston is no longer in daycare.  he needs to be with his mother, and he and i both knew that. it has nothing to do with the child care centre ( i love that place) it has more to do with my relationship with my son.  he turned three on tuesday. three!! that blows my mind. 
 i am so lucky to have had a second child.  to understand fully how fast the time passes, and how with each year that goes by i watch my children become more and more independent...and to be's hard.  holding on to your kids is hard.  with winston, i am honouring every minute of his early childhood, every moment he says "i need you" i pause and soak it in.  it won't be long when i won't be hearing those words form him any longer. so for now...i'm one hundred percent happy to be needed...even at 2 in the morning.

one parenting practice that dr.neufled encourages parents to try out is so simple and makes so much sense.  when a child offers you a token of love and matter what! no matter what kind of crappy day you had at work, or how many collections agencies left messages on your phone, or that there's nothing to make for matter what! YOU'VE GOT TO TRUMP IT!!
that mean's for every hug back ten times harder. for every kiss you give back kisses all over, for every "i love you" you scream " I LOVE YOU MORE!!" try it...see what a difference it makes!those kids just soak it up.